For this blog, advice is welcome but not required. On a subject this strong, I know where I go wrong and what role I play in my own personal misery. But still, as many human beings do, I get hurt, and feel sorry for myself. I've been used in almost every relationship I've been in. But I do know it's partially because i give them my all even when they have given me nothing. At times I've given them too much... Or perhaps too much too fast. To be oblivious to one's flaws is common but not a factor in my specific situation. Starting at childhood I have viewed my purpose to be only sexual or close to it, due to the fact that even family has stepped way over the line with me... And as for my ex's, all of them insist on keeping the one aspect of our relationship they benefited most from alive. Our intimacy. Some say it's cause I have that "french toast" which may be but is no excuse, others say it's for us to remain "close" and possibly rebuild, and the others say they "don't know". I find that hard to believe. But the fact still remains that most of MY guys have supposedly fell for me hard, hurt me, and always wanted me back. On their terms and their time. Y??? I'm honestly sick of it. But who to blame but myself for allowing history to continue to repeat itself? I hope one day I'll truly learn and guard my heart and body completely. This seems to be very blunt and bold but I've come to a place in my life where looking at my past doesn't phase me. I have the understanding that it does not reflect my future! I grow older everyday, and with that I grow wiser. 'Til next time...
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